Cash-strapped parents pull kids from day care

Daycare operators are NOT rolling in the dough. They probably make less than you! I mean the managment.

Everyone's circumstances are different, and there is no one-size-fits-all method for overcoming the obstacles of life. I'm sure you faced your own challenges growing up, and there are many, many people who also face extremely difficult challenges different from your own. You cannot speak for everyone. The "I did it and so you should be able to as well" attitude is extremely shortsighted.

And fits well with the right-wing conservative movement to have it all.

 There will be more and more famlies moving back in together. This is not a bad or a NEW thing. Famlies have been helping each other since the begining of time. I feel sorry for people like you that must think ,when you grow up that you will not need or give help. To make this country whole again it will take us all helping each other. 

I wasn't speaking about myself, Josh. I was talking about two of my coworkers. I am a single mom, divorced from a wonderful Marine who served in Iraq. Both my boys are in private school, I live on my own, and am paying for my MPA at Cal Stat Long Beach. After being a stay at home mom and then getting out on my own, I know how hard it is and am not knocking anyone for moving back home and neither should you. I left home at 19 and only go back to visit and for the holidays, but who are we to judge what someone else does.

-Just some black chick from Orange County, CA- 

That would be great in a perfect world. But you are not taking into account all the single parents and people who are working minimum wage because that's all there is. This isn't about buying stuff, I would love to get stuff but can't because we wouldn't have a home, or food, or adequate clothing. I'm scrimping just to purchase winter coats and boots for my three kids. A few years ago this wasn't such a problem. Now just putting gas in the car to get to work and school is too much. We get a $550 paycheck every two weeks, $1100 a month and $695 goes to rent/utilities. I'm losing foodstamps next month because I recieve child support occasionally, but my boyfriend pays childsupport too so it cancels out. You tell me how to stretch this budget? don't forget car insurance, necessities, and gas money. We live in Upper Michigan on the Wisconsin Border, there are no better jobs here. The ones we had are laying off people. I don't think you people understand just how bad it really is out here.

And there are a lot of children getting the BEST care of the day in daycare....ever think of that?

You put it very well JohnCarter, well these days its all about alpha male and alpha female sort of crap i guess, we will as society PAY a very HIGH price for this in the near future if not now. We have put everything but family first and let me hope that we change the course of things. Like you stated JC, our grandparents were true heros and geniuses.

I'm suprised by all of the woman-hating going on here. Horatio Alger was a product of the early 20th century, kid. Pulling yourself up by your boot straps? Wow. Never thought of that one. If this society was as meritocratic as you thought they were, there would be nothing to talk about it. Greed. Corruption. Stupidity. That's the Bush legacy. If he'd managed to de-regulate social security, it wouldn't just be working families on the skids, it'd be all those helpful elder relatives of yours, too. Oh shucks, I just remembered I know tons of people who don't have granma or an auntie or any close family on whom to dump their children.

Why are people walking into the abyss? Why, just strolling down Olde Golden Times Lane.

I'm suprised by all of the woman-hating going on here

What woman hating? Pointing out stupid, self-centered decisions is not "woman hating" but calling it that is a favorite tactic of those who can't otherwise defend their previously mentioned decisions.

And in case it hasn't dawned on you yet, the "abyss" has been created by people throwing away the "family" in favor of having a pointless career, materialism and the all important, it's all about me attitude of the modern American female.

You can thank John F. Kennedy for the changes that sent women into the work arena.  His idea to put a man on the moon meant that all Americans, including women, had to work.  Coupled with the National Organization of Women they made women who stayed at home feel like pariahs, so under pressure they went to work.  I think NOW has done a great disservice to women, children and families in the USA.  Where is NOW in helping women with services they need?  No where to be seen.

Pointing out stupid, self-centered decisions is not "woman hating" but calling it that is a favorite tactic of those who can't otherwise defend their previously mentioned decisions.

You must be the type of person who blames the woman when the marriage fails. How is taking care of and providing for your family a "self-centered decision"? For many it isn't a choice! I don't have a choice. Either you work or your family fails. Many can't afford only one income, it won't pay the rent. I'm going to school full time, and now have to look for at least a part-time job because one income just won't cut it. And since people are getting laid off up here that might be a problem.

It's people who make ignorant comments who are self-centered. Maybe you should stop blaming people who work their butts off and do something productive with your time, like helping. Life isn't perfect.

Johncarter:  What a close minded view point on things.  Not all women stayed home in prior generations.  My grandmother worked as a nurse and still raised 4 well respected, educated and successful daughters who all worked along with their husbands.  I was in child care from teh age of 2 months and turned out just fine, if not better than kids who are home all the time.  In fact studies have proven that kids in childcare are much more prepared for Kindergarten both socially and educationally.  I am so furious with this neanderthal attitude of people (men and women) who call women bad moms for choosing to work. My mom was the main bread earner in my family but we could've lived on my dad's pay.  My mom even tried to be a stay at home mom when I was in fourth grade and she realized she wanted to be a career women.  I didn't pay tens of thousands of dollars a year to be a cook and maid, so when I do get remarried and have more children I can almost guarantee you I will still have a career because I enjoy my work.  Please educate yourself on the pros and cons of families that work and put kids in daycare. 

I am a working mom and to all of you who see everything in black and white let me point out a few things.  I was blessed to be able to stay home with my daughter and they were some of the best moments of my life.  You may ask then why did you go back to work.  The reason was because my husband did not get a raise in his salary for three years.  Our income did not go up but everything else did.  Alot of people have also talked about the days when your family would help you.  I would love for my daughter to stay with my mother.  There is just one problem she is 72 and not able to take care of a almost 3 yr old.  Couple that with the fact that she lives 3 and a half hours away.  My husband's mother passes away 10 yrs ago and even if she was living she would be an hour and a half away.  WE HAVE NO FAMILY NEAR US TO HELP US. 

When we came to the point that we said I needed to go back to work I looked at a lot of daycares.  I visited them multiple times and when we made our choice we would make random visits to check on them.  The place where my daughter is enrolled is a loving neurturing place and we love everyone there.  I go during my lunch and read to her room.  When they have parties I take me lunch then and go help.  They are very big in having the parents involved in everything they do.

Let me make this clear to all of you who keep saying that we just wanted more crap.  Most of the toys my daughter has have been hand-me-downs from others.  There are no big name lables in my closet.  I have four pairs of shoes.  My car was brought used (my husband does have a nice car but he bought that before we got married)  And to let you know we have no credit card either.  If we did want something we saved for it! 

And when we get home the TV does not go on.  It is play time and reading time.  I know a lot of stay at home parents who use the TV as a babysitter.  How is that good for the child.  On the weekends it is art projects and going to the playground and spending time as a family.

For all of you who lead such a charmed life that everything to you is black and white I say lucky you.  The rest of us have to leave in the real world.

God bless you, Lawyermom, for your kindness towards others and for your compassion. In my opinion, and as you stated, there are a few posting here that need to remember "there but for the grace of God go I."

im a divorced dad who splits the cost fo over $1100 dollars a month to send my 2 yr old son to day care...its an excellent place, and i cry thinking of having to yank him out...but single dads also do what they can...not all dont handle there responsiblities...some bust their humps 60,70, even more hours per week, to do what they have to do...smiling there butts off in front of there kids, but trembling inside everytime i have one of my Caterings gigs cancel or drastically scale back...think on that.

not all dont handle there responsiblities...some bust their humps 60,70, even more hours per week,

Actually, most do handle their responsibilities. But that point doesn't further the anti-family, man-hating agenda of the so-called feminist movement.

It's nice to see some good people on this board, bless you.

Thank you lawyer mom.  I'm not a single mother by choice, but it is my situation and I must embrace it and make the best of it.  It's not my fault my daughter's father didn't want the responsibility of being a father.  And it is my fault for not pursuing child support, but i don't want his measly money, he is probably paying child support for his other kid anyway.  My thing is, I am trying to make the best out of a not-so-good situation, and I am trying to do right by my daughter.  And I am not going to be like some other women out there and think that I have land a man for fninacial security, but I am trying to do it for myself. 

Brittany - It sounds like you are a very strong, determined individual.  Of course, I do not know your particular situation, but please reconsider the child support issue.  After all, it is your daughter's right to be supported that you are giving up, not your own.  Perhaps there is a legal aid society (if you live near a law school, many of them help persons such as you).  If, however, you would be putting yourself or your child at risk by attempting this, you should also take that into consideration.  Good luck to you and your daughter.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Stay strong.

I totally understand where you are coming from, and i have wrestled with this decision many times (especially when it is hard to pay those bills) but he doesn't WANT to be a father, I'm not going to make him.  I don't want her to be an obligation.  She deserves much more than that.

Plus, long story short, his stepfather has been accused of sexually abusing his sister, and i don't want to take any chances on my child being anywhere near this man. 

I have prayed about my situation, and I know God has a plan for me.  Not sure what it is, and i question it a lot of the time, but I know I am doing the right thing and on the right path.

People like you do not deserve children. What is something happens that you can not afford to supply them with their basic needs, what then? Will you just give them away? These children we are talking about are already here and they need help now. Don't want to help, then don't. You live in a box and the real world is hiden from you. I am ashamed for you because I don't believe you have a heart so you can be ashamed for yourself. Don't forget you and your kind can lose everything the way so many others have done so far.

I just love these compassionate posts.

So what, sterilize people who do not have high IQ's or college degrees? The Nazi's did that with people who didn't measure up to their standards either. And sorry to tell you, but many of those women who are in low paying jobs do jobs that keep this country going. Or would you like to see all service industry jobs gone too? You certainly won't get the companies to pay higher. And not all people can afford or are able to go to college. Not all people are cut out for it. But then we fall back to the IQ test, right?

Sorry to tell you that even a college degree will not guarantee you a job at all, let alone a higher paying one.

I have a college degree. I'm sure my IQ is at least as high ( and quite possibly higher, unless you are in the MENSA level IQ range) than yours. When I married I gave up my career to stay home once we started having children. We lived very modestly, though he had a good income and stable job. Small, inexpensive house, used cars, second -hand clothes. All of that so we could make sure we were still saving as well. (We saved almost as much as we spent for our kids' future education and retirement) We didn't need the big stuff. In '99 I became disabled with a chronic illness I will have for the rest of my life. He left because of it (spent a lot of savings on medical bills) for another woman, moved in with her, divorced me, and married her two weeks after we divorced. I did not want the divorce. He pays child support. I went back to college because  I could not take a job that I had gone to school for. I physically could not do the job. Due to downsizing and outsourcing many of those jobs now required extra hours to make up for the lost ones ( mandatory overtime, or there's the door. Plenty of people waiting to come in, thank you), or you were needing to do 2 and 3 jobs that had been covered by 2 or 3 other people who now were gone.

When I went back to school, childcare had gone through the roof because it was now being taxed. People who used to charge one or two dollars an hour had to charge more to help cover the loss because of the taxes. Modest people who did babysitting in their homes so they could stay home with their own children.

I did live in a very inexpensive duplex. As priced have gone up and up, the rent kept getting raised, utilities and groceries and the price of gas going up and up ( until very recently, and I think it will go *back* up), I had to move into a one bedroom apartment with my kids because that was what I could afford. I sleep on the couch. I shop for the cheapest food I can. We do not go out, my kids do not participate in anything at school that costs money. But that's ok. We have a roof over our heads.

I know many women who stayed home to raise their families, only to have their spouses leave for greener grass. Or men whose wives left and they need daycare so they can work. My ex spent a year selling and moving things into her accounts, very, very slowly so that by the time we divorced there was nothing. He had quit making the house payment and put that money into her account so that he filed bankruptcy and gave up the house when he left. During that time, when he was socking the money away in her bank account, his behavior towards me did not change. Not until the one day he said "I'm leaving." I myself could not afford an attorney. He had one of the best and told me I was lucky to keep the kids.

I know many people who have lost their very good, seemingly stable marriages or jobs. People who had children and then lost their jobs so that both parents then had to work.

In the last 6 months or so tens of thousands ( around 200,000 I believe I read) of people have lost their jobs because of the economy, not because they did something wrong. People who had very good paying jobs for many, many years and then could not find jobs and took much lower paying jobs, or multiple part time jobs, just to have something coming in. Jobs where they could not pick and choose their hours and daycare became necessary.  I receive SSDI. ( Which trust me, they don't hand out unless you *are* disabled. It's not welfare.) Until I graduate and get a job I live on SSDI and child support. I don't get welfare or food stamps. My medications and doctors are covered by Medicare which I pay for. I am going into a health care field that will allow me to work even with my disability. I chose it because there are jobs ( at least for now) and they pay decent ( and can't be moved or shipped elsewhere).

I take classes when my kids are in school, but holidays or snow days I have had to stay home because I could not afford day care.

So for those people who keep saying "if you can't afford kids don't have them"  my family was very secure financially and my ex remains so.  There are many, many families who had very good, decent jobs that have been lost. There are mothers who stayed home to raise their children ( and were criticized for not working). There were women who had been married who found themselves single with no choice but to work ( you know, the people you don't want on welfare). And while I am lucky that my ex pays child support, there are many men ( and women) who don't, who sneak around the system.  

As one other poster said, each situation is different and you cannot judge other people in a one-size-fits-all box. As jobs have been lost, many families have been forced to have both parents working. They have sold their houses to move into smaller ones. They *have* done everything to cope and carry on.

These people HAD good jobs with stable companies, many of which are still around. The jobs just went to Mexico or Asia. Spouses who had children and were divorced. People who have had to go from full time to multiple part time jobs. Prices of even the basics have gone up and up. Bread here was about 80 cents just two years ago and is now $1.50 for example. Milk is around $5.00 a gallon in some places.

So as you sit, all cozy in your judgements, there are families who did do everything "right" according to you, (living within their means or below it) , mothers and fathers who did do everything "right" and could very well afford to have those children. It's the economy and jobs. Quit blaming the people. Or should they just send their children to orphanages because they can't afford to live without 2 incomes, or find themselves single after many years of marriage? People who had jobs that have disappeared as companies have gone under or "restructured" through downsizing and mergers, or jobs have left the country. Sure that would be great for the kids. "Sorry honey, can't afford you anymore. Now run along into that nice building where you will be warehoused". How would those children be supported? You would be supporting them. What exactly do you suggest for those children whose parents could afford them when they were born, and now are struggling to keep food on the table?  People how have reduced and reduced and reduced their spending, who were not out overspending to begin with?

I don't whine about what I don't have or what my children don't have. I readjust again and again and do my very best. Just as the vast majority of parents, single or married, have been trying to do.

You also said "have less kids". Sorry, but even in marriages there are unplanned pregnancies. So what, go abort that child because it wasn't in the budget this year? Do we pass laws so that only those with a certain level of IQ, education and income have children? Send them away with the job? Have the government limit the number of children a couple can have? Hmm, seems to me they do that certain parts of the world. Wonderful countries. What would you be legislated to not have?

Yeah, you're a very *smart* person. Your compassion is also overwhelming.

Just in case you failed to realize this, many pregnancies are unplanned and not all forms of birth control are fool proof. So does that mean married couples should not have sex because of the small chance they may have a child they can't afford? All your high horse preaching doesn't change the fact that 18% of children in the US live in poverty. Hopefully you sterilized yourself so you don't have to worry about bringing a child into this world so you can adopt one of the unwanted ones.

Nadasheep... Good Post.  It's amazing all of the people posting here that have no compassion and no clue as to what is really happening in America.

Unlike being a Limbaugh lemming such as yourself?

Unbelievable!

We're currently enjoying lower gas prices because of the belief that we as Americans will spend the money we save on gas on material things that will in turn boost the economy. It's a gimmick once again by a government trying to cement a failed presidency. And by the way, two things. Drilling will not begin immediately. It takes years of preparation for equipment, employees, and to make sure all enviromental precautions are done within regulations. Second, where is there a single place in our country that if you drill it will not disturb anything? In the Gulf, where there is marine life and beautiful shores? Yes nothing like black gold spewing out as far as the eye can see. How about Alaska? Let's give the citizens of Alaska bigger paychecks from oil revenues every year while forest and wildlife disappear. Yet Congress is the problem and Obama is a socialist. Isn't redistribution of revenue to private citizens by the federal government considered socialist? What about the Earned Income Tax Credit? Wasn't it a Republican President in finally put that into play in the early 80's? You talk of the liberal media brainwashing people yet you mention Bush made gas prices go down just because we're going to start drilling again. And who's brainwashed?

Gas prices are down because the price of a barrel of oil has come down.  All the drilling we could ever do will not effect the price of a gallon of gas that much.  Has anyone noticed that the profit margins involved with oil have gone up?  What really happened at the secret energy meeting that Bush had?  Hmmmm .. Of course this is not the topic of child day care.  If there are two parents in a family and one is not working than there is the daycare.  Grandparents, relatives, friends, they can help with daycare.

I agree if you are not working the kid belongs at home .Maybe you would enjoy this.

If you are in the low earning range---staying home,cooking real food from a Grocery store---clipping coupons     Do Day care yourselve   How about this  Cloth Diapers

and the second hand store are no embarrassment these days. Great finds.

That is how people used to start out  slowly   used furniture stay home with the kids for awhile or work differant shifts   this is nothing new. And Bush is not to blame

you should plan for a little trouble to come your way.

Make the most of your time together .

Do you know you can make your own playdoh   read book sing songs

go to the library for free     you can cut back    do with out   you can manage

Plenty of people have   sick dead deserting  husbands  and wifes

you should never count on two paychecks

Having seniors take care of children seems like a simple solution.  However, what you may not recognize is that a lot of seniors can't tolerate the noise and rambunctious activity of young children being around.  I am a 60 year old grandmother and although I love my grandchildren, I'd find it less stressful to go dig ditches somewhere than babysit for 8-10 hours a day while my children work.  My nerves couldn't handle the noise level.

You make $900 a month too much and you are complaining?  I'm aware of how the system works--so at $900 over the income level, if you can not find the money for groceries out of that $900 you are spending your money on frivilous items.  Eligibility for food stamps takes into account your income, less the NECESSITIES of living--- less school tuition, less rent and/or mortgages, less medical bills, less utilities, less health and home insurance--so with $900 a month left after these expenses-You have enough money for groceries. 

I am a single mother

Why?

it's none of your business

Maybe it shouldn't be posted to a public forum then.

And yes I think why matters a lot, or I wouldn't have asked the question.

I can't imagine any good reason to be a single mother.

I suppose that's true, but realistically, it's hard to imagine a guy only getting abusive after the kids are born. 

I couldn't agree with you more. What makes things really difficult is when you pay into a system that won't help you because you aren't "poor enough".

It is sad how assistance wont help so you can avoid reaching the level of poverty that is so hard to climb out of.